Aerosmith’s Joey Kramer hawks coffee at H-E-B; here are other possible Austin celebrity product pitches

Aerosmith Drummer Joey Kramer's coffee line is now available at select H-E-B stores.
Aerosmith Drummer Joey Kramer’s coffee line is now available at select H-E-B stores.

Did you know that Aerosmith’s drummer, Joey Kramer, lives in Georgetown, Tex., just up I-35?

Back in the day, the group was legendary for its indulgence in stimulants of all kinds. But the rockers have long since cleaned up their act and these days Kramer’s hawking a pick-me-up in a cup.

Aerosmith drummer Joey Kramer
Aerosmith drummer Joey Kramer

Joey Kramer’s Rockin’ & Roastin’ Coffee has arrived in Texas, courtesy of retailer H-E-B. The organic line of java (sold in packs of single-serve brewing cups) comes in medium, medium-dark and dark roasts hailing from Guatemala, Ethiopia and Sumatra, respectively.

“Having lived in the Lone Star State for the past several years, expanding Rockin’ & Roastin’s availability to my adopted state is both professionally and personally gratifying,” Kramer says. “Since our expansion into the retail market in 2013, I’ve had my heart set on bringing my java to the fine people of Texas.”

Thanks, Joey — we’re not worthy!

A list of H-E-B stores carrying the coffee, as well as more information on the product, can be found at rockinandroastin.com.

Meanwhile, the product got us thinking about other Austin celebrity-tied products and services that don’t exist, but absolutely should:

Stevie Ray-Bans — You’d be hard-pressed to find the legendary bluesman and favorite son wearing sun shades. Go ahead, Google it. But a line of sleek sunglasses would be perfect for deflecting the scorching lights bouncing off Lady Bird Lake while we’re checking out his statue at Auditorium Shores.

Brooklyn Double Decker Bus Tours — Austin gets a lot of visitors and they need stuff to do. To that end, we can easily imagine Decker, the stunning model and actress, in late night commercials on The CW hawking tours of the city with her husband, former tennis pro Andy Roddick, in between ads for personal injury lawyers. How many minutes would each tour last, 40? Love!

Willie Half-Nelson Gyms — You thought we were going to go in a different direction with the redheaded stranger, didn’t you? That’s not legal here, yet. But the beloved singer/songwriter and Austin-area fixture is in such good shape for his age, we envision him as a latter-day Buster Crabbe. Imagine arm workouts based on guitar strumming. It could happen.

Kyle Chandler’s Coach Service — I don’t know if you’ve ever tried driving up Parmer Lane west of the tollway on a Friday night during high school football season, but it’s a bear. Hundreds of stop-and-go (mostly stop) cars line the stretch between 620 and the facility. It’s no fun. That’s where the “Friday Night Lights” star could come in handy with a line of coach buses showing episodes of the beloved Austin-filmed television series with live commentary by Coach himself at the front of the bus, microphone in hand.

Robert Plant’s Plants — Okay, the aging Led Zeppelin frontman and former Patty Griffin paramour no longer calls Austin his home, but he stayed just long enough to make the list. Because Austin loves all things green, we’re ready to open our hearts and wallets to the landscapers’ supply house we imagine him opening. Sign me up for the maintenance package — “The Lawn Remains the Same.”

Steve Patterson and 11 other times the El Arroyo sign nailed it

Any Tex-Mex fan knows that another pillar of the Keep Austin Weird mantra is definitely the sign at the corner of 5th and Campbell Street in front of El Arroyo.

The tacos and beer joint known for a sick margarita happy hour on Thursdays as well as getting a name drop in the song “Carry On” by Texas country singer Pat Green has an added charm in its always topical, often hilarious message board in the parking lot in front of the restaurant. If you’re visiting Austin, it’s a great place to stop and take a picture (although since it’s on a corner, selfies might require more caution).

UT Athletic Director Steve Patterson introduces Shaka Smart as the new basketball coach at the University of Texas on Friday April 3, 2015, at the Frank Erwin Center. JAY JANNER / AMERICAN-STATESMAN
UT Athletic Director Steve Patterson introduces Shaka Smart as the new basketball coach at the University of Texas on Friday April 3, 2015, at the Frank Erwin Center. JAY JANNER / AMERICAN-STATESMAN

Now that Steve Patterson can add “former University of Texas athletic director” to his resume, there’s plenty of opinions on his tenure, marked notably by a dramatic hike in ticket prices at football games. El Arroyo wasn’t going to let fans forget it and bid Patterson adieu with a message on the marquee.

The humor doesn’t end with local news. Events from all over the world have inspired El Arroyo’s daily take.

The restaurant’s sign has also been known to share more solemn words on events such as the Syrian refugee crisis and celebrity deaths.

Never change, El Arroyo.

Texas cheerleaders’ routine to audio from 9/11 met with mixed emotions

To mark the anniversary of 9/11 last week, a high school cheerleading squad from Lumberton High School outside of Beaumont performed a routine that used audio from news clips from the fateful day in 2001.

Screenshot of video
Screenshot of video uploaded by Crystalynn Petoskey

The video, which since its upload on Friday has been viewed more than 23 million times and shared more than 775,000 times on Facebook, also features the audio of remarks made by then-President George W. Bush and the song “God Bless the U.S.A.,” originally sung by Lee Greenwood:

“And I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free

And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me

And I’d gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today

‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land

God bless the U.S.A.”

The now-viral video has been met with mixed reactions. Some think the performance a fitting tribute, while others find the use of the newscasts set to a tumbling routine in poor taste.

http://twitter.com/thejessdesserts/status/642902026561548288

Watch below and tell us what you think:

 

 

Take a sneak peek at the (fried) food waiting for you at the State Fair of Texas

Fried bacon cinnamon rolls. Texas-fried cookie dough. Deep fried butter.

The Smoky Bacon Margarita takes the smokiness of freshly-cooked bacon and infuses it into a frozen lime margarita. It comes served in a souvenir cup. (Photo courtesy of State Fair of Texas)
The Smoky Bacon Margarita takes the smokiness of freshly-cooked bacon and infuses it into a frozen lime margarita. It comes served in a souvenir cup. (Photo courtesy of State Fair of Texas)

Why yes, we are talking about the one and only State Fair of Texas Big Tex Choice Awards, which has been naming the best foods (like those mentioned above) to be found at the fest ahead of its opening since 2005.

Two awards were given out on Sunday in the final round of the competition that originally drew 51 (mostly fried) entries.

The Best Tasting award went to “Fernie’s Holy Moly Carrot Cake Roly,” a creation conceived by nine-time Big Tex Choice Awards finalist Christy Erpillo.

Wondering what a “carrot cake roly” is? This is how BigTex.com described the “roly” when it announced the winner:

“Golden-baked bread swirled with cinnamon has been flattened and filled with moist carrot cake, plump raisins and crunchy julienned carrots. Rolled with a light coating of cream cheese and then breaded in a mixture of panko, graham crackers, cinnamon and nutmeg.”

And yes, it’s deep fried.

Isaac Rousso took home the Most Creative Award with his Smoky Bacon Margarita:

“With just a hint of smoke, this creation still captures the zesty citrus flavor of a traditional margarita. Finished off with a pinch of bacon crumbles on top, this thirst-quenching drink is served in a collectible souvenir cup for an added funky flair.”

The other finalists included a Chicken fried lobster with champagne gravy, “Cowboy Corn Crunch,” deep fried alligator’s egg nest, fried beer-battered buffalo, the “Lone Star Pork Handle” and “Pretzel-Crusted Pollo Queso.”

Don’t worry about missing out on the competition because all of the creations just mentioned will be available to you at the State Fair of Texas, which runs from Sept. 25 through Oct. 18.

Here is your sneak peek to all the fried goodies awaiting you in Dallas:

One of the two first female Rangers is from Texas

After weeks of rigorous training, 96 people are set to graduate today from the Army’s Ranger School, widely considered one of the Army’s most difficult training programs.

In this April 26, 2015, photo, 1st Lt. Shaye Haver, one of the 20 female soldiers, who is among the 400 students who qualified to start Ranger School, tackles the Darby Queen obstacle course, one of the toughest obstacle courses in U.S. Army training, at Fort Benning, in Ga. Haver and Capt. Kristen Griest are the first women to complete the U.S. Army's grueling Ranger School and were scheduled to graduate Friday, Aug. 21, alongside 94 male soldiers at Fort Benning, Ga., families of the soldiers confirmed Wednesday. (Robin Trimarchi/Ledger-Enquirer via AP)
In this April 26, 2015, photo, 1st Lt. Shaye Haver, one of the 20 female soldiers, who is among the 400 students who qualified to start Ranger School, tackles the Darby Queen obstacle course, one of the toughest obstacle courses in U.S. Army training, at Fort Benning, in Ga. Haver and Capt. Kristen Griest are the first women to complete the U.S. Army’s grueling Ranger School and were scheduled to graduate Friday, Aug. 21, alongside 94 male soldiers at Fort Benning, Ga., families of the soldiers confirmed Wednesday. (Robin Trimarchi/Ledger-Enquirer via AP)

Two of those 96 are women, the first female graduates of the school, and one of those two women is a Texan.

1st Lt. Shaye Haver of Copperas Cove, and Capt. Kristen Griest of Orange, Connecticut, made their first public appearances Thursday ahead of their Friday graduation.

“These two soldiers have absolutely earned the respect of every Ranger instructor,” Command Sgt. Major Curtis Arnold told reporters on Thursday in Fort Benning, Ga. “They do not quit and they do not complain.”

Haver is a 25-year-old pilot of Apache helicopters and graduate of West Point. According to the Washington Post, which was the first to publicly identify the two female graduates, Haver is a former cross country runner and graduated in 2008 from Copperas Cove High School.

Haver and Griest became the first women to finish the famously difficult Ranger course after the school became gender-integrated this last spring.

364 soldiers, including 19 women, started the course that began in April.

Second Lt. Zachary Hanger, who attested to how both Haver and Griest would jump in to help carry heavy loads when other male trainees were too fatigued to assist at Thursday’s press conference in Fort Benning, called the women “absolutely physical studs.”

Despite their completion of the rigorous course, something only about 3 percent of Army soldiers accomplish, according to the Associated Press, Army rules still prohibit women from combat.

Those might rules change as soon as this fall, according to Defense Secretary Ash Carter, who said Thursday he will decide by December to open combat positions to qualified women, like Griest and Haver.