Great Texas hair: Who wore it better?

By Dave Thomas

There is no limit to the pileous perfection a Texan can achieve if he just sets his jaw right and applies a little perseverance, poise and maybe a dab of Brylcreem.

Here’s a look at 4 categories of Texas excellence when it comes to crinigerous righteousness …

 

The pop culture beard

ZZ Top's Dusty Hill and Billy Gibbons, left, and Chuck Norris.

ZZ Top’s Dusty Hill and Billy Gibbons, left, and Chuck Norris.

The obvious choice: Dusty Hill and Billy Gibbons’ beards might cascade like a fuzzy waterfall over their guitars or whatever else falls under their mighty shadow, but two-thirds of ZZ Top still ain’t got half the mojo of …

The pro choice: No matter how close-cropped Chuck Norris might keep his whiskers in his advancing years (would you believe he is 76 years old?), it doesn’t erase the fact that he once plucked a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it. When he does trim it, he uses a belt sander. Tom Selleck’s moustache dreams about Chuck Norris’ beard. One time …

 

The Texas musician hair

Willie Nelson and Lyle Lovett

Willie Nelson and Lyle Lovett

The obvious choice: The Red Headed Stranger. The braids. “Pigtails and all.” Everyone knows Willie Nelson is a musical, metaphorical Samson. But after all these years, there’s little mystery left, least ways when compared to …

The pro choice: Lyle Lovett’s hair looks like something that might skitter across the trail at dusk in the Piney Woods, leaving you to ask yourself if you really saw it and if you really want to be where  you’re at. Not that we are hating, no sir. Only a man of magnificent Texas character could sport that hair anemone and still be as awesome as Mr. Lovett.

 

The rugged sports beard

James Harden and Ricky Williams

James Harden and Ricky Williams

The obvious choice: James Harden (Houston Rockets) indeed has a mighty thicket on his chin, glistening like it emerged from a primeval bayou and darker than desperation. But how can we be sure Tom Cruise isn’t going to pull that mask off at any moment? Harden’s beard is so perfect it doesn’t quite look real. It is hardly as organic as …

The pro choice: Ricky Williams’ onetime beard was magnificently wild, hairs pointing every which way and odd spots where it looks like he fended off someone with a pair of clippers a moment too late. In the middle of that bristly blowout, he’s smiling like he just discovered teeth.

 

The iconic Texas woman hair

Farrah Fawcett and Ann Richards

Farrah Fawcett and Ann Richards

The obvious choice: Everyone’s favorite aurocephalous Seventies beauty, Farrah Fawcett framed that smile in cascading golden locks. To gaze at those teased tresses is to send your eyeballs on a roller coaster of desire. But youth and beauty can’t match …

The pro choice: Ann Richards coiffure (and would any other word do it justice?) reaches the level of perfection only age can attain. Sometimes it was silver-tinged and jauntily reminiscent of a mystical elven helmet from a forgotten era. Other times it was as pure white and serene as a cloud in a Bob Ross painting.


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