Aerosmith’s Joey Kramer hawks coffee at H-E-B; here are other possible Austin celebrity product pitches

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Aerosmith drummer Joey Kramer
Aerosmith Drummer Joey Kramer's coffee line is now available at select H-E-B stores.

Aerosmith Drummer Joey Kramer’s coffee line is now available at select H-E-B stores.

Did you know that Aerosmith’s drummer, Joey Kramer, lives in Georgetown, Tex., just up I-35?

Back in the day, the group was legendary for its indulgence in stimulants of all kinds. But the rockers have long since cleaned up their act and these days Kramer’s hawking a pick-me-up in a cup.

Aerosmith drummer Joey Kramer

Aerosmith drummer Joey Kramer

Joey Kramer’s Rockin’ & Roastin’ Coffee has arrived in Texas, courtesy of retailer H-E-B. The organic line of java (sold in packs of single-serve brewing cups) comes in medium, medium-dark and dark roasts hailing from Guatemala, Ethiopia and Sumatra, respectively.

“Having lived in the Lone Star State for the past several years, expanding Rockin’ & Roastin’s availability to my adopted state is both professionally and personally gratifying,” Kramer says. “Since our expansion into the retail market in 2013, I’ve had my heart set on bringing my java to the fine people of Texas.”

Thanks, Joey — we’re not worthy!

A list of H-E-B stores carrying the coffee, as well as more information on the product, can be found at rockinandroastin.com.

Meanwhile, the product got us thinking about other Austin celebrity-tied products and services that don’t exist, but absolutely should:

Stevie Ray-Bans — You’d be hard-pressed to find the legendary bluesman and favorite son wearing sun shades. Go ahead, Google it. But a line of sleek sunglasses would be perfect for deflecting the scorching lights bouncing off Lady Bird Lake while we’re checking out his statue at Auditorium Shores.

Brooklyn Double Decker Bus Tours — Austin gets a lot of visitors and they need stuff to do. To that end, we can easily imagine Decker, the stunning model and actress, in late night commercials on The CW hawking tours of the city with her husband, former tennis pro Andy Roddick, in between ads for personal injury lawyers. How many minutes would each tour last, 40? Love!

Willie Half-Nelson Gyms — You thought we were going to go in a different direction with the redheaded stranger, didn’t you? That’s not legal here, yet. But the beloved singer/songwriter and Austin-area fixture is in such good shape for his age, we envision him as a latter-day Buster Crabbe. Imagine arm workouts based on guitar strumming. It could happen.

Kyle Chandler’s Coach Service — I don’t know if you’ve ever tried driving up Parmer Lane west of the tollway on a Friday night during high school football season, but it’s a bear. Hundreds of stop-and-go (mostly stop) cars line the stretch between 620 and the facility. It’s no fun. That’s where the “Friday Night Lights” star could come in handy with a line of coach buses showing episodes of the beloved Austin-filmed television series with live commentary by Coach himself at the front of the bus, microphone in hand.

Robert Plant’s Plants — Okay, the aging Led Zeppelin frontman and former Patty Griffin paramour no longer calls Austin his home, but he stayed just long enough to make the list. Because Austin loves all things green, we’re ready to open our hearts and wallets to the landscapers’ supply house we imagine him opening. Sign me up for the maintenance package — “The Lawn Remains the Same.”


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